P = NP, casually

My startling MSN treatise on what NP is, and its implications.

Crobert: Does anyone believe that P = NP?

Peter: Probably less than the number of people who believe in perpetual energy

Crobert:
Wtf is a non-deterministic turing machine?
Wtf is a turing machine?
It's a gigantic tape ticker right?

Peter: It's a computer that stores data on infinite ticker tape

Crobert:
Ok, I kind of know what a turing machine is
What's a non-deterministic turing machine?

Peter:
There's an artistic representation of a turing machine on Wiki
That wasn't there before
Where's this about non-deterministic turing machines?

Crobert:
NP stands for non-deterministic polynomial
I'm just not interested in complexity theory at all

Peter:
I am not interested in Star Trek
...and I end up reading its Wiki nonetheless

Crobert:
Is Star Trek like Gundam?
Where it works out in theory-
...but not in practice?

Peter:
No, it doesn't work out in theory either
Like, warp 10 was supposed to be unachievable asymptotic bound
Except in one episode they managed to do it in a shuttle

Crobert: Wtf

Peter:
They ended up everywhere in the universe at once
...and began speed evolving into lizard people

Crobert: Wtf

Peter:
Not even kidding
Okay, so non-deterministic turing machines
Pick the correct possibility everytime, assuming it exists

Crobert:
Hax
Time travel => P = NP
You also need to be able to travel time in polynomial time

Peter:
Lmao
Okay, I get it
Non-deterministic polynomial time means
The problem's in polynomial time if you make the right guess
Everytime

Crobert: That's so lame

Peter: Which means solutions can be verified in polynomial time

Crobert: Well yeah

Peter:
So the problems that you can't even verify in polynomial time
I guess those are fucked forever

Crobert: Yes

Peter: k

Crobert: What is such a problem?

Peter: Chess

Crobert: Source

Peter: # ^ Aviezri Fraenkel and D. Lichtenstein (1981). "Computing a perfect strategy for n×n chess requires time exponential in n". J. Comb. Th. A (31): 199–214.

Crobert: o ok

Peter: k, chess is fucked

Crobert: Is chess solved?

Peter: No, it's fucked.